September 24, 2011
first off thanks for the signed copy of TGC. second, i have to say, it's like someone took my brain and cracked it like an egg onto the blank pages of a soon-to-be book. seriously. all the things that i've struggled with and thought about and realized are pretty much summed up in this book. so much so that i'm a little pissed i didn't write it myself.
thanks for writing this JS. makes me feel alot better about myself and also makes me feel that not everyone in this world is completely fucking lost. sheeple man. the world is full of tasty sheeple.
your writing sounds like a "terrørîst" manifesto. good for you. take them down, before we get taken down.
i also hate living like a damn battery. and that's all we are at this point. socially engineered to be a battery.
i knew from our email talks that i would enjoy TGC. but it sorta tied up some loose ends and there are a couple of things at the end of the book that i have personally struggled with that you touched on.
the feeling guilty for hating this fake ass life thing-struggled with that my whole life. i've never ever fit in-not once with anything. and as much as hate to admit this, i guess i needed some permission to finally hack off the last bit of guilt i had. i've hidden my teeth and claws for the most part; but not anymore. i've hacked and slashed at the conflict between what i know in my heart (blood) is right and what is out there. even just caring about your parents and what they think of you can totally set you off on the wrong path. guilt=death.
and the lust for the hunt is a "dark secret" that i really thought i only shared with my wife. she is like me, although not as much of a fighter. i've always felt like a caged animal, slaving away at a shitty job in a goddamn box. TGC was very cathartic for me. it's very calming (i guess, i really dont know what word to use) to read or hear or share something that you keep hidden (for survival-like Aiden, i would be killed for what i think) with someone else that feels the same way.
there is alot more but i'll need time to process it all; it's very base emotions and instinctual so it's very very difficult for me to put into words.
February 22, 2010
First, if you knew how emotionally and physically draining it was to write TGC, you might not be so jealous that I wrote it :) I wouldn't trade knowing Gryka for anything in the world, but it was brutally intense. And had I not been able to drop everything in my life in order to spend an entire week writing her story, I would be living the rest of my entire life knowing that I once had hold of something incredibly important, but lost it because I wasn't willing to make the sacrifice.
"makes me feel alot better about myself and also makes me feel that not everyone in this world is completely fucking lost."
Many of us are lost -- but don't despair. Many of us are still capable of finding ourselves once someone else shows us the way. Gryka showed me, and I've done my best to show the world. And for those who refuse to see or hear, well, too bad for them!
"as much as hate to admit this, i guess i needed some permission to
finally hack off the last bit of guilt i had. i've hidden my teeth and
claws for the most part; but not anymore."
Recall the parable of the sharp-toothed shepherds, from the Epilogue.
And it's sad to realize how many parents produce weak, servile children out of their own insecurities, and their desire to have someone they can dominate.
"the lust for the hunt is a "dark secret" that i really thought i only shared with my wife."
You, me, and billions of other people. Just because we're forced to obey arbitrary authority, and intimidated into believing that admitting we don't is "deviant" or "subversive", doesn't mean any of us enjoy submission. The entire concept of "having a job" is not only Neolithic, it's mostly a product of the last couple hundred years.
Don't worry about putting it all into words. The words will come. The most important thing to do right now is to make some positive changes to your own life while you're still fresh with motivation, before your routine pulls you back down into the swamp.
You're a gnoll now. There aren't many of us -- but there don't need to be.
September 24, 2011
thanks again for a thoughtful reply, JS
i have to admit that i had set up my habits to be productive and good for me and my tribe several years ago. TGC gave me a good energy by releasing some pent up tension. I believe now that it was the natural tension one (like us) feels in the mind between the true self, the ego self (conditioned self) and society's expectations (the having a job thing you mentioned). i've found myself looking at other people much differently and the subtle (very subtle) self-consciousness (and by this i only mean the sense of a separate self thinking about one's own actions, etc.) that sorta travels around with me as a consequence of deliberate de-conditioning has lessened to great degree. knowing the difference between myself and the sheeple has not made life in general easier for me. it has made my self confidence grow daily for the last several years( not that i really lacked any to begin with-a better word would be integration).
with all that, i feel as though my head is above the water and i have a new-found enjoyment of my own mental processes and i actually think i understand our place in evolution much better now.
as i said, TGC was very cathartic and left me feeling refreshed. the energy hasn't and wont wear off, it is a part of me now. so i am using that energy to put more emphasis on the things in my life that i don't have a strong handle on. i believe this is one of the things that Aiden and Gryka's relationship is meant to teach: we will all die someday and that's why we laugh. that isn't to be taken as nihilism, but viewed through their relationship, we see that it is to deepen our own relationships both with our tribe and the world itself. to feel that we "only get one shot" at this life so immediately, is a gift. i can appreciate things more now than ever and there is no way i can repay this.
i've decided to take a vacation as well. permanently. i'm turning down my online time (which is all i really do now besides work) and i'm turning my work time down as well. i feel like a zoo human everyday and i'm sick of it. i've been actively pursuing my own means of securing a living recently and will continue to do so. one day i will be able to be outside all day if i choose, instead of watching passersby through plate glass.
all this has become much easier, not so much from anything that was said in TGC, but through what was illustrated by Gryka's life. i'm glad you knew her as well.
PS-i'm changing my user name in the forums to my full name-i dont know why i used my initials.
enjoy your vacation and if you get time, i'd like to see a post on music. i dont care what specifically, but i'd like to hear your thoughts on it, since you do make your own. you did one on writing…. :)
February 22, 2010
"to feel that we "only get one shot" at this life so immediately, is a
gift. i can appreciate things more now than ever and there is no way i
can repay this."
That's something we all hear over and over again -- "you only live once" -- but I didn't really understand it myself until Gryka told me. "We laugh, because we live to say it."
It's a gift freely given...but if you feel compelled to pay it forward, spread the Credo to others. Some of them might find what you've found.
Music...where do I even start?
Just finished reading The Gnoll Credo. Wow! A highly imaginative work of fiction.....or is it? Who knows what J.S. may have come upon trekking in his beloved mountains?
It is Raw, Powerful and Brilliant. If you haven't read it yet, take my advice. Get It! Now!
February 22, 2010
JS, it did more than speak. It shouted. I especially appreciate the epilogue, it really ties everything together. Even for a thick headed old fart like me.
BTW. I also posted this as a five star review on Amazon, thought it might get you a bit more exposure there.
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